Big Rona

Blog Post

Hi there. Before I get into anything, I wanted to address the massive elephant in our lives: COVID19. I send my deepest condolences to those that have experienced loss due to COVID19, my biggest vibes of health and healing to those battling COVID19, and my loudest cheer to those on the front lines helping the world beat this.

I am amazed that something like this has happened in our world. Watching the numbers increase dramatically is quite a bit mindblowing. We all are being impacted by the same, spooky thing. I hope that despite the devastation COVID19 has created, the world can unify together to fight it and come together as a collective human population to support one another. We are all in this together and there is a bit of beauty in that.

We can survive this. We must keep our heads up, our spirits higher, and our hope alive.

I think the answer to the fear that is running rampant is love. We need more love. I think in the midst of all of this we all need more love in our hearts, for ourselves, and for others. There is enough love to go around.

Since my time of isolation, I have been struggling with my value. I quickly realized I naturally associate my worth as a person to my productivity. And when that was no longer an option, since there is only so much that one can do in a small two bedroom apartment, I reverted back to my belief that my worth is connected to the shape and size of my body. I don’t know if anyone else has struggled with this, but I feel like while I have been in isolation my entire day is dictated by my next meal (it is truly the only schedule that I have in my day right now. LOL.) All of this made my mental space toxic and I realized my internal confidence was pivoting. This time in the world is weird and it is pushing us all to go through an emotional process. I fought to accept that, but I, too, realized I was being impacted emotionally.

The truth is, we all deserve love. We deserve love from every person in our lives. We deserve love from ourselves. We deserve all of the love, simply because we exist.

This concept is something that has been brewing within my mind for the entire month of march: are we, as people, inherently good or bad? Do our actions create our value? I listened to The Liturgists podcast. In the podcast, Dr. Hillary McBride brought up the concept that as a psychologist she believes people are inherently good. If people are inherently good, that makes me inherently good. If people are inherently good, that makes you inherently good.

What if we spent today (lets start small) believing that we were inherently good and we actively spent all day giving love to ourselves? Does a whole day feel overwhelming? (it does to me sometimes) What if for the next ten minutes? Close your eyes. quiet your mind. imagine that you are breathing love in and breathing love out. DO NOT question if you deserve the love. Just accept it.

Regardless of how you are feeling, you are worthy of all of the love (especially love from yourself).

I just want to end by reminding that we are all in this together. And that this whole experience is jarring, overwhelming, and it is okay that this process looks however it does for you. This is life changing for all. So, allow yourself pressure-free isolation. It is okay if you gain weight or lose weight. It is okay if you go on a daily walk or if you don’t. It is okay if you get things done around the house or if you only watch Tiger King. I just want to give you permission. The top priority is staying home and staying safe.

I am sending all of my love.

XO,

M

Hello, Stranger.

Blog Post

Hi, beautiful readers, it has been some time. Far too long since I have written here. I could give you so many excuses as to where I have been, but that doesn’t seem as entertaining as the truth.

This whole blog process seems like a stranger. It feels foreign, writing my internal thoughts through the repetition of finger taps. I have missed it, tremendously. This was never my intention, to take a break, but life swept me up in it’s chaos.

The last time I wrote, my life was changing. I had the subconscious attitude to hunker down and survive as my life pushed and pulled me here and there. I wanted to show my strength. I wanted to show my ability to overcome. I wanted to show my bravery. So, I just faced it all head on.

Bravery is a beautiful thing, but sometimes it robs you of the power of vulnerability, the power of emotion, the power of mess.

Anyways, my life got flipped upside down and I was just trying to stay afloat in the midst of it. I lost my job. I no longer could see my immediate support system everyday. And I was no longer safe in a bubble of known conservatism. Having grown up in the church, I knew how the conservative side of America like the back of my hand. But, what happens when, in a way, I was pushed out of that safe bubble. Well, I began to discover new perspectives.

I walked, head held high, into a campus crawling with liberals, strangers, and challengers. I was pushed to the edges of what I believe, how I believe and who I am. These strangers that I walked the halls with, have sharpened me and watered me. They have created a new version of me that is more beautiful than the last.

Now, I am not saying that I have given up all my previous beliefs or radically thrown my moral compass out the window (even though I was given plenty of offers to do just that). I am just saying that the juxtaposition of my church-bubble compared to my new, daily, community of students has really made me find my own two feet to stand one. No longer am I accepting of a belief, lifestyle, or behavior simply because others want me to or because it was what I was taught, instead… I am discovering what I think.

The battle of this semester has distracted me from a lot of my hobbies and passions (like this blog). But I am back with a vengeance.

XO,

M

Owning It

Blog Post

Making friends is weird.

It isn’t easy finding the balance between being truly me and also wanting to make a good impression. It is such a sticky path. It is twisted and complicated. Being in a new school, knowing absolutely no one, makes finding friends not super easy. The whole process of making friends makes me feel like I am back in elementary school and trying to find people to play with on the playground.

Since being in school, I have made one friend. We have a couple classes together and are pursuing the same major. We were basically destined to be friends. Our friendship went from zero to sixty, real fast. I wasn’t even certain we were friends and then we were spilling our guts.

We quickly began talking about the deeper things about life: heartbreak, family drama, life, death, and everything else in-between.

The other day our class got cancelled so we went out to coffee (what a classic college statement to say). We sat down, a pumpkin latte in hand, and the conversation ebbed and flowed. Back and forth. They shared. I shared. It was an extremely rewarding conversation.

It was at coffee that I began to share my story. Up until this point, they had shared more than I had. Up until this point, I was just Maranda. I wasn’t Maranda The Christian, or Maranda The Ex-pastor, or Maranda The blogger, or even Maranda The Sinner. I was just Maranda. When the questions began, all the details flowed. I shared quite a bit. I definitely shared the parts that make me look waaaay less than impressive.

My new friend responded beautifully. They were kind and understanding. But, I walked away and kind of panicked.

I woke up the following day questioning what the heck I did.

I think I was just smacked with the realization that I have left the comfort of the church community. And now I am trying to navigate what I believe, what I want, and where I am going. Now, I don’t have the safety net of the church. Or the comfortability of church. I am just figuring out where my place is.

I was terrified of what my new friends thoughts would be. Did I share too much? Is my story too different? Will I be accepted? Am I enough to be their friend?

I reached out to some of my superhero girl gang & told them I was spazzing. They responded with reminding me to own my story.

My story matters. Period.

It doesn’t matter what I did seven years ago.

It doesn’t matter what I haven’t done.

I have a really beautiful heart that deserves to be trusted, honored, and celebrated.

I deserve to be surrounded by people that remind me that my story is valuable.

It’s so funny, because my new friend was really understanding of my story, but MY insecurity got involved. Owning my story is just another layer, a deeper level, of self love. More acceptance.

So, in this journey of making friends…I’ve decided to become my own friend.

Just like I am accepting of the new people I meet, I will be accepting of my story. I will extend kindness and grace and understanding to myself. I will trust the beauty I bring into friendships. I will celebrate who I am become through every season of my story.

Why does it seem so complicated to accept and befriend oneself. The reality is, you deserve friendship. You deserve respect and honor. You deserve to extend friendship to yourself. So, regardless of your story…own it. Rock it. And don’t doubt the fire within you.

XO,

M

A Momentary Hesitation

Blog Post

One thing I know to be true about myself, is that I long to create waves. Creating waves in peoples thoughts, lives, or the societal systems. But, I have always had this internal battle of wanting to make waves, but not wanting to be an inconvenience.

I was so afraid of inconveniencing people that I began to quiet my inner voice that challenged me to splash in the oceans of life. I became a follower. I went with the flow. I stopped questioning things.

A few months ago, some things happened in my life that began to open me up to new concepts. It began to tug on my mind, reminding me of how wildly I used to think out of the box.

The other day I was talking to a dear friend. He had no idea the season I have been in but he told me that he believed that asking questions was one of the best ways for humans to love themselves.

Since he said that to me, I have realized my questions have majorly increased. That statement opened me up to ask the tough questions. I am questioning why I believe the things I believe. I am questioning what I think is best for me. I am questioning how I want to exist in this world. It is a journey that feels scary, wild, and a bit lonely.

Yesterday I was given the sweetest gift. It was a bag full of positive, inspiring, and timely things, along with a note that gave me the words to describe my season: a pause.
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A momentary hesitation.

The path that I am walking of true discovery is completely worth it. I am so proud of myself for being brave enough to begin to ask questions. But in this process I have had a momentary hesitation.

A momentary hesitation to examine each element of my life.

A momentary hesitation to rediscover my beliefs.

A momentary hesitation to be confident in my conclusions.

I have taken a moment to slow down enough to ask. To take the time necessary to reeeally ask myself what I think about things.

I restarted the book You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. She says, “All this to say that its not your fault you’re fucked up. It’s your fault if you stay fucked up…” I was moved.

It isn’t my fault that others think a certain way. It isn’t my fault that I naturally am inclined to specific beliefs. But, it is my responsibility to decide what I want to think.  It is my responsibility to look at the details of my life and ask the questions. It is my responsibility to feel fully confident in each and every aspect of my life.

I get to be powerfully and completely in control of how I will manage my life.

I challenge you to ask the tough questions that are needed for your life, your situation, and your discovery.

Ask.

Even if its scary.

Even if your voice shakes.

Ask the questions.

 

XO,

M

PS: What questions are YOU asking? Let me know in the comments. Also, did you know you can subscribe to my blog? If you subscribe then each new blog post will be sent directly to your email.

Crashing Over Me

Blog Post

Life is unpredictable. Sometimes we are laying in the sunshine and sand, content and managing everything super well. But other times we are being rocked and rolled, slamming into the rocks on the sea shore. We are constantly moving with the ebbs and flows of life.

I am the type of person that aims to accomplish. I aim to be successful. I feel great when I am successful. Often times success, to me, looks like handling my responsibilities completely and not feeling overwhelmed by my responsibilities. Which creates problems, since I am also the type of person that loves to accept more responsibilities. I am constantly inviting in more responsibility, making it harder and harder to manage it all, making me feel less and less successful.

When you have the perspective of success directly correlating to responsibility, I think it pushes us to hold onto those responsibilities too tightly. We cling to our responsibilities, fighting to hold onto them in order to prove to ourselves that we are worthy. We are looking for our worth to be proven.

Despite it being natural for me to think that my responsibilities are directly linked to my value, I think my thinking is wrong. I think that the two things are not remotely linked. I think each of us simply have innate value. And I think we are given responsibilities. But I do not think that our value has anything to do with our responsibilities.

What if I don’t hold so tightly to things that encourage the thinking that I must do in order to value myself? What if I accepted my innate right of value and used that to do incredible things?

What if I stopped holding my life tightly within my hands, suffocating each aspect of my life, but instead I keep my hand opened, allowing the ebbs and flows of life.

Tight grips are all about fear, open hands are about expectations. I want to live with more open hands.

This week I am learning, I am choosing, to open my hands in another area of my life. I am choosing that I am worthy, simply because I Am. I am choosing to trust the greater good, instead of my own plans. I am expecting incredible things from my life, not because of what I can do, but because I believe in it. I believe in myself and I believe in my future.

Is anyone else having to learn to let go and surrender? Is anyone else learning to love the ebbs and flows of life? I am…even when the wave crashes hard.

Thank you for reading!

XO,

M

Out of the Nest

Blog Post

Remember last week when I wrote about how my life was turning upside down and I was being totally introspective? Well, things have continued that way this past week. I have been caught in the ebbs and flows of major life decisions.

I am so thankful for people, friends & family, that are supportive of my life. That truly want the best for me. This week, I was amazed by the support I have been given. Despite the support, the decisions I make are simply on me. They are up to me to decide.

Friends, relationships, are such a quirky topic. Friends add an incredible brilliance to one’s life, but they can also totally rain on everything.

Growing up I struggled with friends. I had a few, but not many stuck around for long. I think people liked me, but I only had a few people that I could truly call “friend”. After high school, I moved to California, I had better luck with friends…as in, I had more friends than before. But, again, they didn’t necessarily stay.

As life has continued, I have found that true friends show themselves in simple ways. They let you borrow their bathtub and text you everyday when your nephew is sick and they let you say selfish, mean things without thinking that you are selfish and mean. Friends stick with you, even when you act like an ass. Friends remind you of who you are. Friends support your wild, crazy, and maybe a little irrational dreams.

This week I got to talk with some of my best friends this week. I let them in to this process that I have been in…the decisions I am considering and reconsidering. I told them about my dreams that seem foolish. The ones that seem dumb to even consider. and get this…

they didn’t laugh at me.

or judge me.

or question my sanity…

they believed in me.

They supported my wild ideas and agreed with my crazy thinking.

I am so blessed to have friends like this. I realized that good friends push you out of the nest. Ya know how birds learn to fly? They get pushed out of the nest. One day at a time, my friends are teaching me to fly. They are refusing to let me stay within the safety of my nest…but instead, I am learning to spread my shaky wings and soar.

I want to be a friend like that.

Let me know how your friends have pushed you out of your nest of safety in the comments below! Thanks for reading!

XO,

M

What to do: Life Crisis

Blog Post

Ya know those moments, in life, where you feel like you are reconsidering everything? Those moments where you are reevaluating who you are, what you’re doing, how you’re going to accomplish life, why are you doing what you’re currently doing? Welcome to my last two weeks…

I have been back in Cincinnati, Ohio (where I am from & where my immediate family is) for the last two weeks. Each time I come home, I feel as though I can finally exhale. I feel like I can take a pause on my “real” life in order to find peace again or explore my options. This trip home, though, there has been no rock unturned.

I have been evaluating my job, my education, my relationships, my future, my dreams, my 5 year plan, my personal identity, and more.

Do I want to keep working at my job? Do I want to change my major? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Who do I want to be? Do I like where I live? Are my friends adding positive things to my life? Am I sure? Am I sure? Am I sure? Am I sure?

There has been a lot of self-doubt. There has been a lot of questions. There has been a lot of emotions. It has, honestly, been a really taxing experience.

I have discovered that I am at a fork in the road.

I have every possible choice within my grasp and I simply get to choose what I want.

As someone who prides herself on her core value’s about self-love, self-connectedness, and listening to one’s heart…you would think that the answer of what do I want would come easy to me. Wrong.

I have had to fight for the last two weeks to distinguish what my heart is saying. It was easy to hear the voices of my parents, or my bosses, or the self-critic. But it wasn’t easy to hear my quiet and insecure voice.

Have you ever been at this spot? This confused, clueless, and seemingly helpless spot? (I know that I am not alone!) Well, I am sharing all this for Y O U ! (and for me the next time I get to this place)

What to do when You’re Clueless AF?

Step One: Journal

Journal out all of your thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc. Write out (personally I recommend by hand…because it forces you to really look at your thoughts) all the mumbo-jumbo floating through your brain. GET. IT. ALL. OUT. Even the ugly stuff, or the silly stuff, or the seemingly unimportant stuff…write it all down.

 

Step Two: The Goal of Identity

Who are you? Who is it that you want to be? When you imagine your future, what kind of human are you? Write it down. This is the first puzzle piece of your answers.

Who you want to be is the goal for your character. It is the vision board of where you want to head.

 

Step Three: The Results are in

Take some personality tests. The reason I love personality tests so much is because they give words to things you’ve thought or felt that you might not have had language for. For example… I took the Strength Finders test and discovered that one of my top 5 strengths is Connectedness. This means that I believe there are links between all things in life and that everything has a reason. Knowing this about myself explains so much to me. It shows me that believing in connections isn’t an odd thing I do, but it is part of who I am and it is part of what I bring to the table. This test helped me learn a bit more about myself!

Myers Briggs: This test is incredible because it not only tells you about your personality, but it also tells you how you act in friendships, romantic relationships, work, and which careers would be good for you.

Enneagram: This test was interesting because I discovered that I am a Type 1. Type 1’s are called “The Reformers.” They are fixated on perfection, responsibility, and are constantly looking for improvement. These results are totally me, but I had a hard time hearing that. The qualities that I shared (perfectionist, high responsibility, and are constantly looking for improvement) are qualities that I have always resented in myself. I don’t like that I am constantly trying to look for improvement in myself or others. I don’t like that I am always striving for perfection. Despite the difficulty of accepting this personality type, I have taken these results are a positive thing within my life. Knowing this is the type of person I am, allows me to own it more and allows me to give grace to myself when those aspects of who I am rise up.

 

Step Four: Pros VS. Cons

I know this advice is a little overused, but it is honestly so helpful. Make a pros and cons list. Simplify the positives and negatives to each decision and organize then. Making a pros and cons list has helped me recognize what is important to me and what isn’t important. The list does not have to be long, just a few short things to help you see the decision for what it is.

I did this in trying to decide which degree I should pursue. Until I made the list, I had so many positive and negative thoughts about every possible major, but making the list allowed me to actually see the positives and negatives.

 

Step Five: Moments of Peace

My last little piece of advice would be to find your place of peace. It might be late in the night, or early in the morning. Maybe it is in the chaos of a city street or maybe it is within a coffee shop’s four walls. Whatever that place is, it is the place where your thoughts seem clear.

For me, it is the morning time. Just me & a cup of coffee.

When you get to your place of peace…it isn’t time to over think but it is a time to expect the best…to expect answers.

 

Step Six: Repeat Steps 1-5 as many times as necessary

 

As someone that is still very much within these steps… I’ll keep y’all updated on more things and keys that help me. But, I think I have gotten over the hump of the chaos. Sometimes life can be so difficult. But, it is encouraging knowing I am not alone.

Let me know your tips and tricks for making major life choices and for reevaluating your life!

Thanks for reading!

XO,

M

Dreams Coming True

Blog Post, YouTube

Dreams are scary things. They seem far and out of reach. It is a fight to believe dreams are possible, that they could come true. We doubt the full abilities within us. We subscribe to the idea that we are chained to the cards we’ve been dealt. But the few, and far between, go after their dreams; they accomplish them. Those are the people we all aspire to be. Those are the heroes.

I want to be one of those people.

I have a dream of influencing society to see more beauty within themselves and others. My dream is to use the internet to create inspiring things and to reach people outside of my bubble. Currently, there are two ways I see of accomplishing this dream & becoming a dream-fulfiller…

  1. this blog. (this blog has become such a lovely place for me! I am so thankful for each of my followers & readers!)

  2. youtube.

Yes, that is right, youtube!

My boyfriend, Christian, and I have decided to embark on the realm of YouTube. We are so excited to be doing this together. We want our channel to be a safe place for people to find joy within our content, but also to be inspired to think differently and pursue wholeness more. I dream of really bringing our subscribers with us through the journey of life. We want to share about the ups and downs of our relationship, the tensions of figuring out which careers/jobs/ futures to pursue, and our own personal journeys of healing and continuing to become who we were meant to be.

We are thrilled to be pursuing this dream!

I know that some of you much prefer to read things, while others of you probably prefer to watch. My goal is to make both platforms (youtube and this blog) intertwined, but also very similar. So, if you want more of me or more of what I have to say, check out my channel! But this blog will also be a place for people to find more written details of my video content (when applicable).

This dream is something that we have been seriously considering for about 6 months. We kept talking details, coming up with a layout of how to do things, we bought a camera, but then nothing was happening. We even filmed! But, we kept letting it sit, doing nothing. A couple of weeks ago we finally had a tough conversation. We, both, felt fed up that we weren’t doing anything. We were all talk and no action. We, basically, said enough is enough. If we were really going to do this youtube thing…tha
n we need to actually do it. No more talk, just action.

If I am being totally honest, I was scared. I was scared of failing. I was scared of being a disappointment. I was scared of not being funny enough. I was scared of not being good enough. I was scared. But honestly, fear just keeps us away from our dreams. I am over that. I refuse to listen to fear.

Enough is enough.

Which brings me to today.

We have a couple of videos published on our channel so far…and a dozen in the works.

I just want to say…it is okay to scared of dreams. It is okay to even struggle to put action behind the dream. But, let this be your wake up call…

Your time is now.

You can do it.

I believe in you.

The world needs what you have.

GO. FOR. IT.

If you still haven’t click the link yet…here it is: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCp-LeM8KICghiTZyzIPHItQ/featured

And if you are checking out the channel, please subscribe! & you can hit that bell notification to make sure you get notified every time we post!

Thank you for all of the support you, yes you, give me. I feel really honored to have the resources and opportunities to be doing this and pursuing this dream.

XO,

M

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Ignorance is Misery

Blog Post

So this past weekend I logged into my Facebook account and a video popped up on my feed titled Say “No” to Fat Acceptance. I watched the entire video, looking for the “punch line,” but there never was one. The video depicted an “overweight” man on an operating table and then flashed back to his life growing up. It showed him eating fast food, his mom “enabling” his bad habits, and him not exercising.

As someone that has struggled with her weight for her entire life, this video hit really close to home. I was instantly smacked upside the head with the shame this video was promoting. I reached out to the person that shared the video and tried to gain some understanding.

Was their intention to truly say “fat” is wrong? Was their intention to really say that society is accepting of “fat”? 

After the conversation, I was baffled by the scenario that I was in. I had never been hit with such dense opposition to something as unimportant as weight.

A few days later I was on my apple calendar (which, I am so proud of apple for recognizing this celebratory day) and saw the event “Juneteenth”. I have to be honest, I was super confused. After asking a few people, I finally learned that Juneteenth is a celebration of the freedom & release of the African American people back in 1865. This is their July 4th. Their day of freedom.

I, again, was stunned. I had no idea and instantly felt tremendously embarrassed and saddened that I didn’t know about such a momentous day.

As I processed my new learning, I recognized the similarities in these two scenarios.

Ignorance.

Meaning, the lack of knowledge or information. Or, being clueless. Or, putting your foot in your mouth (sometimes majorly) because you simply do not know better.

Ignorance sucks.

If I am being completely honest, the experience of the fat-hate video was one, out of maybe five, experiences I have had with total ignorance. It really hurt knowing that someone hated me so badly for something as unimportant as my weight. It really hurt knowing that someone truly thought I was wrong for my body. And then here I was, living and not knowing about such a momentous day as Juneteenth.

BARELY got a taste of what it is like to be face with ignorance. But there are all kinds of people that are faced with ignorance every day.

In regards to Juneteenth…I am lucky enough to have some friends that are teaching me. about the realities of being African American today. They are telling me the ways that they have to be humble, honor, and fight to be the people they are today. They tell me about their real and raw history (not the nicely framed history within the books I used to read at school). They tell me about what it is like to be an African American in society today: the extra conversations required, the many injustices they still face, and they correct my ignorances. I feel tremendously blessed to be extended the amount of grace they give me.

As someone that is eager to fix her mistakes, I am amazed to face people that are not.

I wanted to write this post to challenge each of you, lovely readers, to face your ignorances. Whatever it might be (sexuality, religion, race, weight, disabilities, gender, etc) get informed. Learn more (even if its hard)! Make mistakes (even if it hurts)! But always keep in mind that your little world of experiences are not all that is out there.

As much as it stings, it is always beautiful to be humbled.

What areas of life/this world are you learning about these days? Let me know in the comments!!

XO,

M

The Never Ending Possibilities

Blog Post

Recently Christian (the boyfriend) has been talking about wanting to accomplish his goals. He has goals and tasks to accomplish that he has been putting off for, who knows how long. But he has decided to begin to cross those things off the ever-growing list of life’s to-dos. Over the last couple of weeks, I have watched him accomplish these things that he has wanted for so long.

His are as simple as building a pedal board, to as intricate as editing youtube videos, and as deep as beginning to take some online training classes. I have felt really inspired to simply go after those things that I want.

Something I have always wanted to do was create more. So, I am slowly trying to do that. I had a friend get married and so I made her & her husband a gift as opposed to just buying one. I have two big canvases that I am going to cover & repaint this summer, or at least I plan to.

I have been trying to go after new healing with my body and my attire. I have tried new styles and different kinds of outfits. I have sent multiple photos to my stylish little sister asking if I am achieving the trend/style that I am going for. But, despite my lack of confidence, I have done it. I have knotted my hair, my shirts, and bought new pairs of shoes. I have rocked the over-sized graphic tees, but also have tried to find confidence in showing off my shoulders. I plan to make small steps to continue to find creativity within my closet.

I have wanted to solidify relationships. Strengthening the ones that are already blossoming and nurture the ones that are growing. I feel like I am going out to coffee with someone every day, which is exhausting at times. But I am trying to find the balance of connection with others and connection with myself.

I have wanted to fall deep in love with pursuing my spirituality, again. It is something that I have always pursued, even when the fire hasn’t been there…but it hasn’t been something that I am always in love with. I have begun to listen to podcasts, talk about spiritual things with friends, and have begun to mediate (fix my mind) on Love.

If I am being totally honest…another goal/dream I have is to figure out my relationship with food and exercise. I hate having to share that, but it’s true. My relationship with food has been a difficult one. I have learned, over the years, that I am an emotional eater. And I have an irrational fear of moving my body. I have fought for years to grow in my love for myself and my body (learn more about my whole story here!) and I have grown so much in that. But, when I think about my goals I think about how I want to get to a better place with those things. I want to feel good in my skin. I want to strengthen my body. And I want to fuel my body with good things. But, I am scared.

Another wise moment from Christian was when he told me to stop worrying about the what-ifs. I had this overwhelming concern about the working out and the learning to eat well. What if I fail? What if I am doing it for the wrong reasons? What if I mess up?

But, what if I succeed?

I think the point in crossing these things off of our lists is not about accomplishing, but I think it is about trying. It is about trying to go after the things in front of us. The things that have been nagging on us. The things that pull on our hearts.

What if I tried to go after these things? What if I tried to find a healthy balance in my eating and exercise? What if I tried to create more?

The other day I was talking to a friend that was struggling. She is battling an intense war for her hope and she was having a hard day. I sent her a video of me reminding her that the day was almost over and a new day would begin again tomorrow. A new day full of new blessings, new opportunities, and new hope. It was in that moment that I realized that each challenge, every single one, is contained within a single day. Each day we get an opportunity to have a different attitude and perspective.

THAT is our challenge. Our challenge is to just do our best each day. Our challenge is to pursue our lists of goals and dreams each day. It is about making small steps towards crossing those things off. It is not about accomplishing everything.

So, today I created. Today, I ate ice cream. Today, I was happy. Today, I fought against the afternoon grumpiness. Today I did my best.

So, What are you trying in your life? Let me know in the comments below!

XO,

M