Crashing Over Me

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Life is unpredictable. Sometimes we are laying in the sunshine and sand, content and managing everything super well. But other times we are being rocked and rolled, slamming into the rocks on the sea shore. We are constantly moving with the ebbs and flows of life.

I am the type of person that aims to accomplish. I aim to be successful. I feel great when I am successful. Often times success, to me, looks like handling my responsibilities completely and not feeling overwhelmed by my responsibilities. Which creates problems, since I am also the type of person that loves to accept more responsibilities. I am constantly inviting in more responsibility, making it harder and harder to manage it all, making me feel less and less successful.

When you have the perspective of success directly correlating to responsibility, I think it pushes us to hold onto those responsibilities too tightly. We cling to our responsibilities, fighting to hold onto them in order to prove to ourselves that we are worthy. We are looking for our worth to be proven.

Despite it being natural for me to think that my responsibilities are directly linked to my value, I think my thinking is wrong. I think that the two things are not remotely linked. I think each of us simply have innate value. And I think we are given responsibilities. But I do not think that our value has anything to do with our responsibilities.

What if I don’t hold so tightly to things that encourage the thinking that I must do in order to value myself? What if I accepted my innate right of value and used that to do incredible things?

What if I stopped holding my life tightly within my hands, suffocating each aspect of my life, but instead I keep my hand opened, allowing the ebbs and flows of life.

Tight grips are all about fear, open hands are about expectations. I want to live with more open hands.

This week I am learning, I am choosing, to open my hands in another area of my life. I am choosing that I am worthy, simply because I Am. I am choosing to trust the greater good, instead of my own plans. I am expecting incredible things from my life, not because of what I can do, but because I believe in it. I believe in myself and I believe in my future.

Is anyone else having to learn to let go and surrender? Is anyone else learning to love the ebbs and flows of life? I am…even when the wave crashes hard.

Thank you for reading!

XO,

M

What to do: Life Crisis

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Ya know those moments, in life, where you feel like you are reconsidering everything? Those moments where you are reevaluating who you are, what you’re doing, how you’re going to accomplish life, why are you doing what you’re currently doing? Welcome to my last two weeks…

I have been back in Cincinnati, Ohio (where I am from & where my immediate family is) for the last two weeks. Each time I come home, I feel as though I can finally exhale. I feel like I can take a pause on my “real” life in order to find peace again or explore my options. This trip home, though, there has been no rock unturned.

I have been evaluating my job, my education, my relationships, my future, my dreams, my 5 year plan, my personal identity, and more.

Do I want to keep working at my job? Do I want to change my major? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Who do I want to be? Do I like where I live? Are my friends adding positive things to my life? Am I sure? Am I sure? Am I sure? Am I sure?

There has been a lot of self-doubt. There has been a lot of questions. There has been a lot of emotions. It has, honestly, been a really taxing experience.

I have discovered that I am at a fork in the road.

I have every possible choice within my grasp and I simply get to choose what I want.

As someone who prides herself on her core value’s about self-love, self-connectedness, and listening to one’s heart…you would think that the answer of what do I want would come easy to me. Wrong.

I have had to fight for the last two weeks to distinguish what my heart is saying. It was easy to hear the voices of my parents, or my bosses, or the self-critic. But it wasn’t easy to hear my quiet and insecure voice.

Have you ever been at this spot? This confused, clueless, and seemingly helpless spot? (I know that I am not alone!) Well, I am sharing all this for Y O U ! (and for me the next time I get to this place)

What to do when You’re Clueless AF?

Step One: Journal

Journal out all of your thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc. Write out (personally I recommend by hand…because it forces you to really look at your thoughts) all the mumbo-jumbo floating through your brain. GET. IT. ALL. OUT. Even the ugly stuff, or the silly stuff, or the seemingly unimportant stuff…write it all down.

 

Step Two: The Goal of Identity

Who are you? Who is it that you want to be? When you imagine your future, what kind of human are you? Write it down. This is the first puzzle piece of your answers.

Who you want to be is the goal for your character. It is the vision board of where you want to head.

 

Step Three: The Results are in

Take some personality tests. The reason I love personality tests so much is because they give words to things you’ve thought or felt that you might not have had language for. For example… I took the Strength Finders test and discovered that one of my top 5 strengths is Connectedness. This means that I believe there are links between all things in life and that everything has a reason. Knowing this about myself explains so much to me. It shows me that believing in connections isn’t an odd thing I do, but it is part of who I am and it is part of what I bring to the table. This test helped me learn a bit more about myself!

Myers Briggs: This test is incredible because it not only tells you about your personality, but it also tells you how you act in friendships, romantic relationships, work, and which careers would be good for you.

Enneagram: This test was interesting because I discovered that I am a Type 1. Type 1’s are called “The Reformers.” They are fixated on perfection, responsibility, and are constantly looking for improvement. These results are totally me, but I had a hard time hearing that. The qualities that I shared (perfectionist, high responsibility, and are constantly looking for improvement) are qualities that I have always resented in myself. I don’t like that I am constantly trying to look for improvement in myself or others. I don’t like that I am always striving for perfection. Despite the difficulty of accepting this personality type, I have taken these results are a positive thing within my life. Knowing this is the type of person I am, allows me to own it more and allows me to give grace to myself when those aspects of who I am rise up.

 

Step Four: Pros VS. Cons

I know this advice is a little overused, but it is honestly so helpful. Make a pros and cons list. Simplify the positives and negatives to each decision and organize then. Making a pros and cons list has helped me recognize what is important to me and what isn’t important. The list does not have to be long, just a few short things to help you see the decision for what it is.

I did this in trying to decide which degree I should pursue. Until I made the list, I had so many positive and negative thoughts about every possible major, but making the list allowed me to actually see the positives and negatives.

 

Step Five: Moments of Peace

My last little piece of advice would be to find your place of peace. It might be late in the night, or early in the morning. Maybe it is in the chaos of a city street or maybe it is within a coffee shop’s four walls. Whatever that place is, it is the place where your thoughts seem clear.

For me, it is the morning time. Just me & a cup of coffee.

When you get to your place of peace…it isn’t time to over think but it is a time to expect the best…to expect answers.

 

Step Six: Repeat Steps 1-5 as many times as necessary

 

As someone that is still very much within these steps… I’ll keep y’all updated on more things and keys that help me. But, I think I have gotten over the hump of the chaos. Sometimes life can be so difficult. But, it is encouraging knowing I am not alone.

Let me know your tips and tricks for making major life choices and for reevaluating your life!

Thanks for reading!

XO,

M