2019: Marriage, Failing, & Young Living

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Well, today is January 14th…meaning we are two weeks into the new year…but here is my NEW YEAR NEW ME POST! (kidding…sorta)

We all know the gist…the new year comes around and everyone makes a bunch of resolutions that, more often then not, they do not see the fulfillment of. Yet every single year, so many people go through this ceremonial tradition of resolutions. The newest trend seems to be the “word of the year” thing. Instead of creating resolutions, people decide a word for the year and have that to set the tone for the year. For me, I think this process (of both resolutions and a word) is a really wonderful time to reassess your life and become a bit more intentional.

I started working on this blog post weeks ago. The potential of this post made me really think about what I want for 2019. I made a list of of the things that 2019 will hold for me: more connections, more hobbies, graduating college, and so many other things. But the more I have thought about them, the more they seem to have become filtered down to the most important aspects I want in 2019. It is really only three things, but they are good ones!

Marriage.

One of the really big things, for 2019, that is on the agenda plans potential adventures is the topic of marriage. Christian (the very handsome rockstar boyfriend) and I have been dating for over 2 years, and for us that had led us getting quite a bit serious (not an ounce of judgement if you and your partner need longer than that or less than or whatever your relationship choices are). We have begun talking about marriage and what the future looks like for us. We had some very serious conversations over the holidays and we have decided that this is our final year before we get married. (Disclaimer: we do NOT have a date. We are not even engaged, but we are very aware that our time of being unmarried is coming to an end).

I share this because one of the biggest things I want to do this year is really embrace this time before getting married. I want to use this final year of singleness to really get healing, to prepare my heart and life for the process of officially becoming life partners with someone. I want this to be a year of preparing and adventure. (I think I will write more about this later…about the things I want to accomplish, but that will come later).

Failure.

This year the word I chose for the year is Failure.

I know, that sounds so strange, but hang with me!

As a type 1 enneagram (if you have not done this personality test yet…you have to!!) I do everything in my power to avoid being “bad” or to avoid “corruption” or to not fail. Type 1 has an absurd moral standard and only see actions/people as either good or bad. There is no gray. Because of this thinking, I avoid doing a lot of things that I know I won’t be the best at. I avoid doing a lot of things that seem “wrong” because I do not want to become wrong. Because of this, I avoid a lot of life.

In 2019 I do not want to do that anymore. I want to intentionally embrace the failures of life. Failures are inevitable. They are not things that can be avoided. I want to intentionally do things that I feel like I fail at…painting, bowling, or challenges for myself (like my list of books I intended to read over Christmas). I want to accept my failures and know that they are a part of me.

I want to truly know that my failures make me who I am and are just as important as my successes. This word for the year is making me feel more brave and more adventurous…

which leads me to my third (and final) goal for 2019…

Young Living.

Deciding not to fear failure has pushed me to making a big decision…I have decided to become a Young Living distributer. Young Living is a company that sells all natural products, more specifically, essential oils. Essential oils are called the “life blood” of a plant. Basically, it is this oil that is extracted from a plant that is used to support/benefit one’s life. For example, you could use peppermint essential oil to help get rid of your headache. Another example is using the oil called “Peace and Calming” to promote tranquility in your mind, emotions, and life. You use these oils topically, internally, or diffuse them into the air. These oils have changed my life. I have contemplated becoming a distributer for months now, because I really believe in the products. I was scared, though, because I am afraid of what people will think and I am afraid that I won’t sell the products. With the encouragement of embracing failure, plus the extreme desire to make my life more natural and healthy that I am doing it. I will definitely be sharing more later, but for now…you can check out my new Instagram: @SmellyGalEssentials

I am very excited about 2019. I think that this will be a magical year filled with accomplishment and grace.

What do YOU want to accomplish in 2019?

XO,

M

The Power of Me (Guest Post: Destiny Story)

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One thing I want to use this social platform for is to promote and celebrate the people around me. I am someone that searches for lessons & inspiration from those around me and I want to share those stunning people with you all!

This first guest post is by a woman that is dear to my heart. She has been in my life for almost two years and I am deeply blessed by her:

Destiny Story EFC06971-A31D-486D-A638-69E09A6FAE27.JPG

When I think about who Destiny is I think of one word: brave. She is a woman that looks at life, her challenges, her fears, her dreams and responds to them bravely. Destiny has bravely stood in the wilderness of life and come out to the other side. She has stood, alone and scared, and yet she has not turned away.

Destiny Story is a brave woman.

In this post she has written, she shares about some of her wilderness. She shares about a process that I’ve had the privilege to watch her walk through. And as a witness to this time in her life, I can safely say that she has a lot of wisdom & inspiration on the things she shares. So, let her sweet words inspire you!

XO,

M

Ps: You can check out D’s blog here: https://destinystoryblog.wordpress.com

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My whole life I’ve felt like I wasn’t enough, or honestly, that I was just too much. I’ve felt not skinny enough, not talented enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not good enough. I’ve felt too loud, too tall, too fat, too opinionated, too passive, too emotional, too sensitive, too different.

I’ve always felt like I was different and I’ve spent most of my life just trying to decide if what made me different was good or bad. But I think somewhere around 7th grade I subconsciously decided that it was a bad thing, a really bad thing, that would forever keep me separated from those around me. I thought I would never be able to connect with people because it felt as if people never wanted to connect to me (my parents and friends) or that I was always “too much, not enough” for the people around me to connect with. I felt creative but was never shown it was okay to be creative in ways that didn’t quite make sense and I was never shown it was okay for it not to be perfect. I buried myself in perfectionism because it seemed all the amazing people were, and the sad part was that people around me wouldn’t have known because it was all in my internal world! It revealed itself in my self talk and my constant attempts to “fix” myself that only led to me feeling suicidal.

Even after I became a Christian, it only intensified. Except this time thankfully I was healed enough to not feel suicidal, but I did feel like the weight and the pressure of always doing things perfectly would eventually break me. I had somewhere, along my journey in life, picked up this idea that the real me was too messy and would never be good enough so I needed to make up for it with perfect actions. Ha! Funny, huh? I mean this was definitely not something I would consciously know I was doing! It would look like me trying really hard, being praised for my actions, and then making a mistake and beating myself up for it for days and thinking “what else could I have done? I’m doing everything I can and it’s still not enough!” and then eventually trying to make up for it by pretending like it didn’t happen and continue doing more things that would look perfect.

But the problem with this is that I had equated being “enough” to things that were unattainable, like never making a mistake or never hurting anyone’s feelings. Anybody ever been through something like this? Ever try to perform for love? I’m guessing that I’m probably not alone in this. I’ve noticed as a human race, generally we have more grace for others than we do ourselves.

But sometime last year I decided this thing that made me different may not have actually ever been a bad thing! What if my imperfections made me beautiful? What if my emotions made things fun and are natural? What if my sensitivity wasn’t a weakness, but a strength? What if my chubby body could be enough for me and eventually someone else? What if making mistakes only made me human? Could I still be loved if someone saw them? If I were fully me, mistakes and all, would I be enough?

These were the questions running through my head and I made the decision that I was going to try being seen. I decided to show people that I was different. I decided to try allowing myself to be loved through my mistakes. Because when I try to be “perfect” I still don’t feel like I’m enough, and I never get to be truly authentic. And that life wasn’t working for me.

I went to Oregon last year on a missions trip and after days of barely sleeping and not being able to control a single thing, I could feel my emotions starting to rise. And as they got closer to the surface I could feel them starting to bubble over into my actions. I was short with people and I was crying uncontrollably. I felt embarrassed but free. I knew that these people doing life with me would see a side of me I was afraid of showing to people that hadn’t been in my life for an extended period of time. But I couldn’t care anymore. I decided to take a risk and be vulnerable and see how they responded.

And to my freaking surprise they still loved me!

And not only that, they complemented me! They asked me what I needed, they encouraged me, and they loved me through it. And not just once, but repetitively. I was UNDONE. This was not a way of life that I was familiar with! But I knew I could never turn back.

I’m coming up on a year since that trip and as I reflect I see that my journey of accepting myself and being vulnerably me, has not been a fun or pretty journey. I have hid, I have made some of the most painful mistakes I’ve ever made this past year and I’ve been the most myself I’ve ever been in my whole life. I’ve never been as open with those close to me quiet like I have in this past year. I’m loving who Destiny is more than I thought possible and I know there’s only so much more!

You see, perfectionism tells you that until you do everything right, you aren’t enough. But a life of freedom looks like vulnerability. It looks like showing the world who you truly are and not wavering in the truth that,

you are enough. No questions asked.

A life of freedom consists of making mistakes and allowing the people who are close to you into them because you do not deserve to be alone during it. A life of freedom looks like you being confident in what you enjoy doing and wearing. A life of freedom looks like creating without comparison.

Being vulnerably you will set you free from perfectionism or performance. There’s nothing quiet like when you allow yourself to be who you’ve always been in the inside. And I promise dear friends, there are people who are dying to love you as you. All your unique characteristics, all the things you’ve thought were too much, all of the parts of you that you thought weren’t enough, they are worthy of love. Because we all have them, let’s be honest. None of us have it all together. But none of us have to pretend like we do anymore. I’m starting to see that the people I admire the most are people who are unashamedly them. Unwavering to the opinions of others, they stand tall in who they are and they let themselves show. This is strength. This is vulnerability. Vulnerability is strength. And this is who I want to be. I am deciding that I will no longer look at people on social media, the models on tv or Pinterest, or even the people around me and think “I wish I were like them”, but instead I will say

“I’m thankful that I am ME. Because no one can be ME.”

So dear ones, will you join me in living a life of being vulnerably us? Will you join me in leaving perfectionism and comparison behind?? Let us celebrate who we are and what we create and what we do well, because we were always designed to do it the way only we can do it.

Xoxo

Destiny Story

#MoreSelfLove

Dreams in the Flesh

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One of my New Years resolutions, as mentioned, is to take myself a bit more seriously. Not just letting each dream pass me by, but stopping and examining each & every one and allowing the true dreams to take root within my heart. Taking my dreams more seriously means giving them bones, meat, flesh. It means having a dream, protecting it in my heart, and then taking steps in order to see that dream come true. The wild thing is that I am actually seeing it happen and seeing flesh coming to my dreams!

But this does not just have to be for me. It isn’t just about me and my dreams coming true. Every person I talk to I feel like there is a grace for their dreams. Yesterday I heard of a friend who dreams of doing fashion and a local botique told her that they would buy her creations. That does not happen! Today I heard of a local artist getting the opportunity to do what makes their heart come alive. There is a grace. right now. Dreams of creativity, dreams of business, dreams of influence. I feel like the time is now!

I want to tell you why dreaming is important and hopefully inspire you to dream a little bit bigger.

Dreaming brings hope. When you dream for a different tomorrow or a different circumstance (or even the same!), you are hoping. You are wanting and believing for something. Hope requires trust. Trust in yourself, trust in the greater good. Hope is a muscle. It forces your to practice and become resilient to disappointment. Hope is required for dreaming. Hope says that there is more available to you. A life without hope and dreams is stagnant.

Dreaming creates an adventurous life (even if your dreams aren’t wild like jumping out of planes). Whatever it is that you want in life can happen and make your life the adventure that you want. If you want to own a business, or be a really good employee, than pursuing that desire would lead you to living a full life. It would lead you to living the life you want. Life can be anything that you want, but you have to allow yourself the courage to dream of what you want.

Another thing that happens when you dream is dreaming brings contentment within your now. There is something super special about the between season, the season of dreaming before the dream has fully blossomed. There is something special about the waiting. It’s like how Christmas Eve is kind of the best part of Christmas because you are awaiting the excitement. That happens with dreams, too. When you dream you can be content within the waiting.

Dreaming requires motion. It requires you to take bold steps forward. Dreaming is more than just accomplishing goals, it is a beautiful combination of goals mixed into one daring act.

One downside of dreaming is that it definitely challenges your belief in yourself. Can you believe that you deserve to dream? Can you risk in order to dream? Can you risk in order to see your dreams come true? Having a self is a right that each and every human has. What does your self dream of?

I went out to coffee with one of my greatest inspirations this week. We talked about dreaming and how people don’t have the courage to dream because they don’t have the courage or self-love to allow themselves to. We talked about how people do not know what they want because they haven’t given themselves permission to allow dreams to even taken root.

So, here I am…just an imperfect human aiming to have a wholehearted and full life. A woman that is simply learning life’s possibilities and I am telling you that dreaming is possible. I am telling you that you deserve permission to dream. You deserve permission to live a full life. I urge you to take the risk and imagine the best life you could think of. Dream with me.

What are your big dreams? What dreams make your stomach do flips just thinking about the possibility? Let me know in the comments! I am excited to hear & believe with you!

XO,

M