A Momentary Hesitation

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One thing I know to be true about myself, is that I long to create waves. Creating waves in peoples thoughts, lives, or the societal systems. But, I have always had this internal battle of wanting to make waves, but not wanting to be an inconvenience.

I was so afraid of inconveniencing people that I began to quiet my inner voice that challenged me to splash in the oceans of life. I became a follower. I went with the flow. I stopped questioning things.

A few months ago, some things happened in my life that began to open me up to new concepts. It began to tug on my mind, reminding me of how wildly I used to think out of the box.

The other day I was talking to a dear friend. He had no idea the season I have been in but he told me that he believed that asking questions was one of the best ways for humans to love themselves.

Since he said that to me, I have realized my questions have majorly increased. That statement opened me up to ask the tough questions. I am questioning why I believe the things I believe. I am questioning what I think is best for me. I am questioning how I want to exist in this world. It is a journey that feels scary, wild, and a bit lonely.

Yesterday I was given the sweetest gift. It was a bag full of positive, inspiring, and timely things, along with a note that gave me the words to describe my season: a pause.
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A momentary hesitation.

The path that I am walking of true discovery is completely worth it. I am so proud of myself for being brave enough to begin to ask questions. But in this process I have had a momentary hesitation.

A momentary hesitation to examine each element of my life.

A momentary hesitation to rediscover my beliefs.

A momentary hesitation to be confident in my conclusions.

I have taken a moment to slow down enough to ask. To take the time necessary to reeeally ask myself what I think about things.

I restarted the book You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. She says, “All this to say that its not your fault you’re fucked up. It’s your fault if you stay fucked up…” I was moved.

It isn’t my fault that others think a certain way. It isn’t my fault that I naturally am inclined to specific beliefs. But, it is my responsibility to decide what I want to think.  It is my responsibility to look at the details of my life and ask the questions. It is my responsibility to feel fully confident in each and every aspect of my life.

I get to be powerfully and completely in control of how I will manage my life.

I challenge you to ask the tough questions that are needed for your life, your situation, and your discovery.

Ask.

Even if its scary.

Even if your voice shakes.

Ask the questions.

 

XO,

M

PS: What questions are YOU asking? Let me know in the comments. Also, did you know you can subscribe to my blog? If you subscribe then each new blog post will be sent directly to your email.

What to do: Life Crisis

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Ya know those moments, in life, where you feel like you are reconsidering everything? Those moments where you are reevaluating who you are, what you’re doing, how you’re going to accomplish life, why are you doing what you’re currently doing? Welcome to my last two weeks…

I have been back in Cincinnati, Ohio (where I am from & where my immediate family is) for the last two weeks. Each time I come home, I feel as though I can finally exhale. I feel like I can take a pause on my “real” life in order to find peace again or explore my options. This trip home, though, there has been no rock unturned.

I have been evaluating my job, my education, my relationships, my future, my dreams, my 5 year plan, my personal identity, and more.

Do I want to keep working at my job? Do I want to change my major? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Who do I want to be? Do I like where I live? Are my friends adding positive things to my life? Am I sure? Am I sure? Am I sure? Am I sure?

There has been a lot of self-doubt. There has been a lot of questions. There has been a lot of emotions. It has, honestly, been a really taxing experience.

I have discovered that I am at a fork in the road.

I have every possible choice within my grasp and I simply get to choose what I want.

As someone who prides herself on her core value’s about self-love, self-connectedness, and listening to one’s heart…you would think that the answer of what do I want would come easy to me. Wrong.

I have had to fight for the last two weeks to distinguish what my heart is saying. It was easy to hear the voices of my parents, or my bosses, or the self-critic. But it wasn’t easy to hear my quiet and insecure voice.

Have you ever been at this spot? This confused, clueless, and seemingly helpless spot? (I know that I am not alone!) Well, I am sharing all this for Y O U ! (and for me the next time I get to this place)

What to do when You’re Clueless AF?

Step One: Journal

Journal out all of your thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc. Write out (personally I recommend by hand…because it forces you to really look at your thoughts) all the mumbo-jumbo floating through your brain. GET. IT. ALL. OUT. Even the ugly stuff, or the silly stuff, or the seemingly unimportant stuff…write it all down.

 

Step Two: The Goal of Identity

Who are you? Who is it that you want to be? When you imagine your future, what kind of human are you? Write it down. This is the first puzzle piece of your answers.

Who you want to be is the goal for your character. It is the vision board of where you want to head.

 

Step Three: The Results are in

Take some personality tests. The reason I love personality tests so much is because they give words to things you’ve thought or felt that you might not have had language for. For example… I took the Strength Finders test and discovered that one of my top 5 strengths is Connectedness. This means that I believe there are links between all things in life and that everything has a reason. Knowing this about myself explains so much to me. It shows me that believing in connections isn’t an odd thing I do, but it is part of who I am and it is part of what I bring to the table. This test helped me learn a bit more about myself!

Myers Briggs: This test is incredible because it not only tells you about your personality, but it also tells you how you act in friendships, romantic relationships, work, and which careers would be good for you.

Enneagram: This test was interesting because I discovered that I am a Type 1. Type 1’s are called “The Reformers.” They are fixated on perfection, responsibility, and are constantly looking for improvement. These results are totally me, but I had a hard time hearing that. The qualities that I shared (perfectionist, high responsibility, and are constantly looking for improvement) are qualities that I have always resented in myself. I don’t like that I am constantly trying to look for improvement in myself or others. I don’t like that I am always striving for perfection. Despite the difficulty of accepting this personality type, I have taken these results are a positive thing within my life. Knowing this is the type of person I am, allows me to own it more and allows me to give grace to myself when those aspects of who I am rise up.

 

Step Four: Pros VS. Cons

I know this advice is a little overused, but it is honestly so helpful. Make a pros and cons list. Simplify the positives and negatives to each decision and organize then. Making a pros and cons list has helped me recognize what is important to me and what isn’t important. The list does not have to be long, just a few short things to help you see the decision for what it is.

I did this in trying to decide which degree I should pursue. Until I made the list, I had so many positive and negative thoughts about every possible major, but making the list allowed me to actually see the positives and negatives.

 

Step Five: Moments of Peace

My last little piece of advice would be to find your place of peace. It might be late in the night, or early in the morning. Maybe it is in the chaos of a city street or maybe it is within a coffee shop’s four walls. Whatever that place is, it is the place where your thoughts seem clear.

For me, it is the morning time. Just me & a cup of coffee.

When you get to your place of peace…it isn’t time to over think but it is a time to expect the best…to expect answers.

 

Step Six: Repeat Steps 1-5 as many times as necessary

 

As someone that is still very much within these steps… I’ll keep y’all updated on more things and keys that help me. But, I think I have gotten over the hump of the chaos. Sometimes life can be so difficult. But, it is encouraging knowing I am not alone.

Let me know your tips and tricks for making major life choices and for reevaluating your life!

Thanks for reading!

XO,

M