My Return.

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Hey blog world. Long time no see. In fact, over a year since I last posted on here. The last year has been the busiest year of my life. To name a few reasons why: I finished my bachelors degree, got married, and moved across the country. Looking back, I realized how challenging that all was. It took all of my time and consumed all of my thoughts. Unfortunately, that meant that writing had to take a back burner. If I am honest, though, writing stopped being easy for me before that.

In August 2018, I lost my job as an Administrative Assistant at a church that had rescued me. It was a bit of a mutual decision, and a bit not. During that time at the church, about 13 people stopped working there (again, some were mutual decisions and some were not). Everyone, employee, member, and anyone in-between was reeling from the changes that were at hand. More than that, a person at our church began to express themselves in new ways, which confronted a lot of people with their inner prejudice, judgement, strict opinions, and beliefs about God. The responses of members led to an outbreak of criticism for the church. I knew where I stood on my opinions of both the situations at hand, but I was not certain what posting those opinions online would do for my relationships or reputation. And that hindered what I felt like I could write.

I had always used this space, and my journal, as a place to help me filter through my thoughts and feelings. How was I supposed to do that when my thoughts and feelings directly pointed towards people in my life? How was I supposed to share what I was feeling as I navigated the icky feelings? I didn’t know. So, I let the fear stop me from my writing.

At the same time, I transferred to Humboldt State University to finish my bachelors degree in Sociology. Sociology is the study of society throughout the years and how it operates today. Honestly, it is not a subject for the weak hearted. Learning how society has written off different communities of people for years on end is a hard pill to swallow. My heart and mind became radically awakened by the atrocities of our country.

I know I didn’t go into clear details earlier about the problems within the church, I think that maybe one day I will. But the problems I was experiencing and watching happen within the church were actually perpetuating the atrocities I was learning in school. Which led me to feeling trapped inside the injustice and fearful of opening my voice publicly (or writing my words down into the internet abyss). I stopped writing, but I don’t want to remain done.

Now that I have covered why I stopped writing, I want to talk about why I am returning to writing. Someone I deeply trust told me recently that I am a writer. Instead of doubting them, I simply decided to believe with them. And if it is true that I am a writer, I believe it is my duty to write about the things that matter. Things that matter to me, society, and to Love.

Take this as your warning….

I can promise that my writings will not be perfect. I can promise that my writings will be educated, but that there is always more for me to learn and I can promise there will be plenty that I do not know. I can promise I will say things wrong and mess up. I can promise that I will talk about things that need to be talked about, even if you do not like the topic. I can promise I will try my hardest. I can promise I will lead with love, learn with love, and be corrected through love.

I am scared I will hurt people with my writings, by offending them, by upsetting them, by messing up. But, I feel it is my duty to bring light to the issues at hand, to give insight into what I am learning and feeling, and to spread education to all those that want to learn.

I want to talk about social issues, my own life lessons, and hopefully create a space of love and inspiration for anyone interested. Thank you for joining me on my journey.

XO,

M

Hello, Stranger.

Blog Post

Hi, beautiful readers, it has been some time. Far too long since I have written here. I could give you so many excuses as to where I have been, but that doesn’t seem as entertaining as the truth.

This whole blog process seems like a stranger. It feels foreign, writing my internal thoughts through the repetition of finger taps. I have missed it, tremendously. This was never my intention, to take a break, but life swept me up in it’s chaos.

The last time I wrote, my life was changing. I had the subconscious attitude to hunker down and survive as my life pushed and pulled me here and there. I wanted to show my strength. I wanted to show my ability to overcome. I wanted to show my bravery. So, I just faced it all head on.

Bravery is a beautiful thing, but sometimes it robs you of the power of vulnerability, the power of emotion, the power of mess.

Anyways, my life got flipped upside down and I was just trying to stay afloat in the midst of it. I lost my job. I no longer could see my immediate support system everyday. And I was no longer safe in a bubble of known conservatism. Having grown up in the church, I knew how the conservative side of America like the back of my hand. But, what happens when, in a way, I was pushed out of that safe bubble. Well, I began to discover new perspectives.

I walked, head held high, into a campus crawling with liberals, strangers, and challengers. I was pushed to the edges of what I believe, how I believe and who I am. These strangers that I walked the halls with, have sharpened me and watered me. They have created a new version of me that is more beautiful than the last.

Now, I am not saying that I have given up all my previous beliefs or radically thrown my moral compass out the window (even though I was given plenty of offers to do just that). I am just saying that the juxtaposition of my church-bubble compared to my new, daily, community of students has really made me find my own two feet to stand one. No longer am I accepting of a belief, lifestyle, or behavior simply because others want me to or because it was what I was taught, instead… I am discovering what I think.

The battle of this semester has distracted me from a lot of my hobbies and passions (like this blog). But I am back with a vengeance.

XO,

M